Blockers – Movie Review

Cock Blockers is here….but it’s not called cock blockers because that would be a marketing nightmare…obviously, so call the film “Blockers” and put a big picture of a cock before it just to make sure no-one is misunderstanding what this film is about.

Unfortunately, the poster and the name is almost the funniest thing about the movie!

To call it unfunny, would be an injustice, yes there are a few giggles in there, but they are never raised about a chuckle or a titter…its a film that just feels like it’s lacking some proper comedy writing.

The film is about three girls going to prom and their parents finding out about a Sex Pact they have to get paid at prom. Naturally the parents don’t want them to have sex, because, you know, all Men are bad…and that’s how they are portrayed to some extent. It kinda feels weird watching girls saying lines like “he’s gonna be all up in this pussssaaay!” like it’s some kind of alternate universe Inbetweeners.

It even takes a good while for the real laughs to come. Everything is painfully awkward in the beginning twenty minutes, and it isn’t until the parents discover the sex pact is up and running that anything remotely funny happens.

John Cena as one of the protective Dads is probably one of the funniest parts in there. He’s literally just playing an extension of himself and I expect that is exactly how he would be with his kids. Leslie Mann as the clingy mum to one of the girls tries to be funny but nothing really seems to click with her character. Ike Barinholtz as the goofy absent father plays that goofiness well, if not a little over the top at times.

It’s not a terrible movie, just pretty badly executed. There’s no real connection to any of the girls in the film as they’re not massively likeable characters, with only Gideon Adlon’s Sam having any depth to her character whatsoever.

When you put it all together, it just feels like it’s lacking some of the charm that other teenage comedies have had in the past. It’s not gross-out enough to be on par with Superbad, and it’s absolutely no-where near as hilarious as American Pie was when that was released, despite the two films having the whole sex-pact storyline in common.

Rating 4/10

Some funny moments, but not enough to raise it to any respectable level of comedy for me.